One of my many, many weaknesses is my utter aversion to anything that smells of a hint of responsibility.
If it’s something I have to do, or am suppose to do, I just can’t stand it, I avoid it, and have the toughest time pulling the trigger on it. OK, let’s go ahead and say it all together and get it over with–“Poor Ana!” Yes, she and all of us know that if it weren’t for her, I’d still be living in my parents’ basement today.
Lately, I’ve been realizing anew the sacredness of every moment, everywhere, with every person. I do believe that, but in practice, partially because I do live every day as if it is my last, I wanna make sure every single thing I do is either super fun, or super deep meaningful life-changing, or best yet–BOTH!
In some ways I’ve grown. I do really enjoy doing dishes and even cutting the grass, even though I don’t do it every single week. But doing any other responsible things is just for the birds.
Since the girls have gone back to school, I’ve really tried to embrace every task before me, seeing it as God-ordained no matter how vanilla it may seem to be. I mean, I always see God with me in everything, it’s just that, before, I would avoid any responsible task so that God and I didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything boring together.
This past week has been interesting. Friday I realized that due to the putting off of renewing my license plate via the magical, easy internet, that it was indeed the day of expiration, and thought I should just go in person to the BMV. Embracing it, I employed the rule of ABAB that my friend Ellen coached me on in Ukraine–“Always Bring A Book.” So I cheerfully ABABed it to the BMV in Nora. Calmly, I took ticket #117 and noticed they were now serving #114. Wow, that’s pretty close. I sat down to read my book, getting all settled in, when they called my number before I finished a second page. Trying not to let my OCD overtake me by not finishing a page before getting up (pathetic weakness #44), I went to the lady who renewed the plate for me, and I left the BMV having been there for about a total of 6 minutes. Funny, she said they will mail me the sticker…the very same thing that would have happened had I done this at home on the magic internet device, but hey, I’m learning an experiential lesson here!
Then Monday, I actually called to make an appointment concerning a recall for my car. I was so proud of myself for making a little phone call, that I almost went on a shopping spree to reward myself. (This is the first Ana is hearing of this thought) But I refrained. Tuesday morning I took it in, ABABed with TWO books since I was told I would be there for an hour or an hour and a half. The dude there tells me it will be only ten or fifteen minutes. Yeah, right buddy, I’m not falling for that one. After grabbing my free cappuccino in the waiting room, I sat down to read my super deep awesome material. Nine minutes later–“Robert?” Done already? I was at Penske Chevrolet for like a total of fourteen minutes. Man, this responsibility stuff isn’t so bad!
Feeling confident enough now to rule a small country, I headed straight to the bank where I needed to close an account we really don’t use much anymore. I walk in like I own the place, do my business (not to be confused with “Biznass”), and was out of there in four minutes including small talk!
I’m not claiming that God made all of this easy, painless, and quick for me. That belongs to the mysteries of the universe–like what’s inside of a black hole. But I did feel God’s speaking to me and showing me that when I just embrace whatever is before me, seeing Him in it, with full acceptance and contentment, that it is not anywhere near how awful I make out to be in my morbid preconceptions or expectations.
Not only that, but that the time is indeed meaningful and can even be enjoyable if the mindset is right. More and more I see clearly how my day is good or bad according to my own perception of it waaaay more than according to circumstances, other people, or….
[suspenseful music playing]
r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s.